Thankful. I am Thankful for… What? 

Am I even thankful at all?

I remember having these thoughts when I was in the midst of my betrayal. I had no idea I was in trauma, I was exhausted, overwhelmed, in so much pain that just wouldn’t stop coming at me and piling up. And I was trying to be a Godly woman who follows the Word of God. The Bible says: 

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; 

for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”  

 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

I remember thinking “How in the world am I supposed to be rejoicing and thankful right now? I just want it all to go away!! I just want normal back! Does this mean I just go on pretending it never happened? Does this mean that I pretend I am happy? How do I live this out?” 

For a long time I told myself, its ok, I just don’t HAVE to be thankful or rejoice since I’m in the worst circumstances. Then more trauma would come from staggered disclosure. Or another relapse. Or another lie. Or another surgery in our family. etc… It just didn’t stop. 

IT. KEPT. PILING.

Piling…

Piling…

Piling…

I felt so heavy and buried! How do I do this?!

Then slowly I learned as I got help; God was slowly lifting the fog and showed me… 

I don’t have to be thankful for my circumstances. 

I don’t have to be thankful for the betrayal.

I don’t have to be thankful for any of the yuck.

I don’t have to be rejoicing about the betrayal or my circumstances.

God is not asking us to do that; that would not be authentic or human. God is asking us to rejoice always towards God because of who HE is, and how He loves us! To be Joy-filled comes from being God-filled. This is different than the feeling of happiness. The Bible does not say to be happy in all circumstances. He is calling us to look beyond our pain and circumstances and see God, talk to Him, tell Him about your pain and cry out to Him. It’s ok to tell Him you don’t feel very thankful. (psst! He already knows!) Learn to trust Him in the midst of the pain and heartache. Turning toward God and having a relationship with God will start to fill us with joy so that we can rejoice in God; no matter what our circumstances are. 

This type of rejoicing looks different in each season we are in, how we feel, and where we are in life and that is totally ok. 

If you have been betrayed by your husband's sex/porn addiction, other addition or abuse, You are in a lot of pain. You may be sad, angry, confused, shocked, crushed. You may even be mad at God. This is all normal and ok to feel any or all of these. Most likely in this season, you are not going to jump for joy for God. But, even in your tears or while curled up on the couch, you can ask God to open your heart to Him and ask Him to help you have a relationship with Him. Or you can ask Him to help you start to see one thing to be thankful for. Or just whisper "Jesus". That is simply where we can start to rejoice in God... just talk to Him. 

God does not promise that we won’t have storms and difficulty in life. He promises to be our refuge, comfort and strength during those times. He will carry you through.

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. 

In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world!

John 16:33 

Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass.

It is all about learning to Dance in the Rain! 

Even though we may get wet, God will never drop us. We can be thankful for umbrella’s in the rain. Or perhaps for puddles to stomp in as a way to express some of our feelings outward.

We can always find something to be thankful for...even the smallest things. That is where we can start…

A blanket. A meal. A bed. A cup of coffee. Even a tissue to blow our nose in! (because we may be a snot-dripping  mess from crying) and that is ok.  (No worries if this is the case; I have been the snot-dripping hot mess many MANY times!)

It’s completely ok to be where you are at. Rejoicing in God and Thankfulness doesn’t come in an instant, it comes over time of practicing; starting right where you are at. Sometimes it takes a while of taking small steps of practice before our feelings catch up. 

Take baby steps, there is no rush.

If you try to go up a ladder skipping 2, 3 or 4 steps along the way...you will fall. 

This journey is no different. Take one small step, my friend, one baby step at a time !

Warmly,

Allison